Guest Post by A.K. Flynn - The Self-Doubt Monster

Today, the lively A.K. Flynn, a member of Literary+, is a guest on my blog. She's addressing something that I still struggle with periodically--self-doubt. Read on for ten valuable tips on conquering this pesky little demon.

The Self-Doubt Monster

There are many authors that are high paid, sold millions of copies, and still they find themselves in the quandary of having self-doubt. One of my favorite authors is Dean Koontz. He had once said “I have more self-doubt than any writer I know.” Many writers have doubts and reservations regarding their literary works, and they're famous! So what does this mean for the dreamers, the enthusiasts, and the self-proclaimed novelists? Should the dreaded, dreary little monster known as self-doubt squash the opportunity to be able to spread their passions and creatively written works of art with the rest the world?

We never think that this little monster will get a hold of us, because we’re not famous and we’re not watched by the entire world in regards to our grammar and structure. (Think of Stephanie Meyer's literary upheaval.) The problem occurs when we see famous authors being criticized for their literary downfalls. It's difficult to think that our laboured efforts are really worth anything. Then there are the Bloggers who have written their work raw and bravely put it out on the Internet for the world to see, only to have negative comments tearing apart their effort and leaving it in nothing but self-doubt’s enervating wails.

Who would want to continue to write after that? The little monster finally got its earworm in your head; who are you kidding? You can’t write, look at how you placed your commas, they’re everywhere! Do you want me to splice you up? Because that’s how others will feel reading all these comma splices! Oh, did I mention your creativity for this novel was probably already about something that someone already had written and did it better than you! (Feisty little creature isn’t it?) After these types of thoughts you would feel like deleting every last word or shredding every last bit of what you’ve written, burn it, and then eat the ashes. (O.k. maybe not eat the ashes, but you would burn it, that’s probable.) However there are ways to seduce your little self-doubt monster, giving you the opportunity to grasp its mouth firmly while pinning it to your desk as you smirk with sheer enjoyment as it wriggles around trying to free itself. I will get to that in a minute!

I know for a fact that I had a very difficult time dealing with my self-doubts and when criticism hit the fan. I felt like all my self-doubts were valid and deleted three years of work and my blog five years ago. If I had continued to let that little monster get the best of me, I would not be enthralled in my passion of writing or Child and Youth Work, nor would I be writing this right now; so I want to give you a small guide that has helped me and many others tame this nasty little creature. (Self-doubts will never fully go away.) The reason I call this thing a monster or creature is because it takes on a life of its own—it can be your worst nightmare that creeps up on you or your motivation to complete your written works of art. (This can be applied in other areas of your life as well.)

1. Remember you are not alone. Other people do have the same emotions that boil up when it comes to their fictional babies, they just may not express it.

2. Self-doubt is part of the literary creative growth. If we never had doubt we wouldn’t be able to self-criticize our work, and we will never know if we are writing sub-par.

3. Be kind to yourself. If you are harsh on yourself, your work will reflect that. Replace hard words with a different perspective. For example: My self-doubt’s are my insecurities showing up on paper, and no one will like it vs. I’m self-doubting this written piece because I want to make sure it is up to my standards. Doubting your work shows that you care about it!

4. Write for yourself and not others. Once you start writing for others you lose your style, which can encapsulate the self-doubt because it’s not your literary niche. Write for you. There will always be people who love or hate your work, it's that person’s preferences, and we cannot control how someone may react to your writing.

5. Welcome criticism like it is a kitten on your doorstep, but keep the claws at length. Criticism is something every writer must endure. It can be your worst enemy next to the self-doubt monster, but it will help you be more aware of your writing style and mindful of your mistakes to help improve your literary baby. However, poor criticism is not worth your while. To handle that, you simple say thank you for your concern; and I appreciate you reading my work. If they continue, do not give them the satisfaction by engaging.

6. Surround yourself with other quirky, non-judgmental, and supportive writing groups, such as Literary+ and NaNoWriMo. In this kind of environment of positivity and support, it’s very hard to have the self-doubt monster whisper nasty things to you.

7. Remember your accomplishments! They are important, writing a paragraph can be just as daunting for some as writing a novel, so relish in the moments of writing that first sentence as it is still an accomplishment to say the least.

8. If you want to accomplish something, put mini attainable goals in place. You also cannot compare grapes to crepes. Do things at your own pace, and you will get to where you want to be.

9. Practicing gratitude is a powerful way to tame the self-doubt monster and worries. When we’re feeling discouraged, gratitude is one of the quickest, most effective pick-me-ups around.

10. Being a writer is all about process. It’s not about the celebratory party you have when you reach the summit of your career; it’s about the journey you experience along the way.

And as I always say “A procrastinator’s work is never done!”

More about A.K. Flynn:

Salutations! My Name is A.K. Flynn, I'm a 27 year old bright eyed bushy tailed Child and Youth Worker to be, who is very ambitious and absolutely in love with writing all sorts mind perplexing Fiction. I also tend to pour my emotions out on the screen as it  is the only thing that keeps my hectic life sane. As of right now my website and second novel seems to be a major focus and writing is my major outlet so it all pans out perfectly. Oh did I mention I was a redhead? Well now you know! So you know my writing has got to be good, because redheads are very spontaneous... (runs off into the distance babbling to herself)

Links:

Blog: Inside The Perplexed Mind of a Dreamer

G+ profile: A.K. Flynn

Guest Post by JD Savage - The Mom Filter

I'm very excited to have +JD Savage as a guest on my blog; part of +Literary+'s blog tour. JD is the author of The Seeds, an exciting story that takes place in the realm of fairies. I'm currently reading it now; my motivation to get on my exercise machine every day. Yes, it's that good. ;)

Today, JD discusses a topic that I've dealt with personally. 

                                    The Mom Filter
                          Writing So Others Don’t Judge

I spend a lot of time online. I check my Google Plus feed constantly. I check Facebook a few times a day. Even Twitter gets a look once or twice. As much as I like to simply lurk around and see what people are posting, I do feel compelled to comment now and then. When I do, I try to follow one simple rule. Don’t write anything that I wouldn’t want to appear, credited to me, on a billboard outside of my Mom’s house. It goes back to the lessons of childhood. The over-arching rule was to be conscious of what you do and say because it all reflects on your family.

It sounded like nonsense when I was a kid. Now that I have kids of my own, I realize that it’s true.

So that’s fine for online posting, but what about writing for real? Am I supposed to temper my speech? Do I need to rework that sentence so that it doesn’t contain a swear word? No! I’m a grown -up. I can write whatever I want. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to read it!

Well, that’s easy to say, but for some people, this can be one of those questions that pop up when you least expect it. You may have emboldened yourself to write about a controversial topic, but how close to the bone can you get without really offending someone who knows you? Maybe your Grandpa will be a bit put out to hear that a character that sounds a lot like him is the pedophile that drives your protagonist to the edge. Maybe your Aunt will feel a bit flustered when your character’s Aunt robs that liquor store to pay for her meth habit. Or maybe the ladies at church are simply unprepared to learn that you really write hard core porn.

Don’t try to write so that others don’t judge. It can’t be done. That’s what ‘others’ do. They judge. But, there is a secret to dealing with this unpleasant reality. Any time someone makes a snide or hurtful comment, not on how you write but what you write, tell them to kiss your ass.  Not too forceful, not too wishy-washy, this little nugget has helped me deflect more than once the slings and arrows of those I’ve offended. Sure, you’re burning bridges, but did you really want to go back to Uptightville?

Bill Cosby said it best. ”I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”

You can’t please everyone. It’s impossible. You’re just going to have to try to please yourself. Make your story the best YOU think it can be. Somebody will still hate it, but that’s a given, no matter how great it is. I hated Moby Dick. I thought it was the most boring, drawn out yawn-fest ever to be celebrated as one of the greatest novels in human existence. I can hear Melville’s Mom now, “Did you have to make Ishmael so wordy, Darling? And why did he have to describe every fishhook on the boat?” And his reply, “Mother, you may kiss my posterior region, that which is just below my belt, but behind me. To be any other way would be too strange a case to make, for it would be unseemly to suggest any other course and I am extremely wordy!”

Ok, I hear you. I hear you saying, “But, what if it’s my Mom!? I can’t burn that bridge!” Ok, ok. Granted, there are some people you have to stay on the good side of, be it for familial love, respect or the possibility of inheritance.  If that’s the case, warn them before the book comes out. “Now, Mom, I gotta tell ya. There may be a few things in this that might sound a little coarse. You’re just going to have to trust me that it was necessary for the story.” If she’s anything like my Mom, that little bit of confidence you just shared will turn her from a pursed-lipped magistrate into your biggest defender. “My son/daughter, the visionary!” she’ll cry, before punching the lady who made that face when your name came up. Be prepared for the follow-up call, too. “She thought she was going to tell me what’s what! Well, I showed her!”

So, for most other people, tell them that you’re not sorry for what you do, and they can kiss your… well, you know. Give Mom a heads-up on your next work. Ask her advice. You’ll be able to turn her loose on the next reviewer who pans your work.

About The Seeds and its author:

This is not your grandmother's fairy tale. A fantasy novel that turns the genre on its head, "The Seeds" follows Trooper Angus Mayweather as he is thrust into the conflict faced by twin sisters Dartura & Varia, Generals of the Tarol Nation. As the sisters uncover a new threat from an old enemy, Angus must do what he can to help as the Tarol Nation faces all-out war.

Links:
Where to buy: The Seeds
Website: www.jdsavage.com
Writer's Blog: Tarol Nation
G+ profile: JD Savage

A start of something

The last couple of prompts haven't called me, so today, I listened to some music and contemplated the emotions of the songs- melody and lyrics. As the music disappeared into the background, my mind wandered, then arrived at a scene.

I don't know if anything will come of it, but it's there if I decide to continue.

152 words in the raw*:

He sat alone. The perfect picture of the tragic figure. His profile sharp against the lowering sun, which just kissed the horizon in a spectacular blaze of blinding color. He leaned forward; pressed his forehead against his palm. His dark hair, scrunched between splayed fingers that dug into his scalp, tumbling down his cheek.

What caused such despair? I felt it radiate out from him even at a couple dozen yards. I never knew such sadness myself, but I carried that heavy burden for many years now. The aching familiarity squeezed my guts up through my throat until I choked back a flood of tears.

His anguish, a potent crashing of waves on a tidal break, throttled me until I kneeled before it. Jagged little rocks cut through my jeans - another layer of pain. If I couldn’t crawl that small distance to reach him soon, I doubted my hold on sanity.

*unedited words as they first appeared on my computer

Work Area

In response to Dawn Alexander's blog, Writer in Waiting, I'm posting a couple photos of my work area.

Situated between the family room and the kitchen is an area I term the "office".  It's not a room by itself, but the other half of the family room.  In it is three desks, three bookshelves and a chair.  It's an awkward sort of walk thru space, but it serves as the center hub.

I eat at my desk.  I draw at my desk.  I write here and of course I surf the internet.

The wall above holds a lot of my sketches, photos, stickers, pins, ribbons, postcards, my kids's drawings and general memorablia that is my life.  It changes over time, so I usually take a photo of my work area about once a year.  This was taken back in Feb. and there are already a couple changes. :)

A lot of writers I know have a faithful companion.  I have several, but Fox, a silver Egyptian Mau, is my special buddy.

Here, Fox is sporting a cuff bracelet of aluminum foil made by my youngest son.  Foxy kept it on for quite a long time before I took it off.

Thank you to Dawn for sharing her work space and four footed helper and inspiring others to share theirs!

In that spirit, leave a comment or post a link about your work space; I'd love to hear about/see where you get your best work done.  :)

I'm spewing ideas I'm so full of them.... Not so much.

I was on the phone with my mom for a couple hours this afternoon. I hadn't talked to her in a little while so that was good. I wanted to go visit her tomorrow, but she had already made plans. :( We live a 1/2 hour apart, but that's still too much drive for me most days. ~sigh~

Anyway, I was telling her that I read a blog today where someone said (paraphrased) that a writer who doesn't have a butt ton of ideas or runs out of ideas wasn't a real writer. Wha-? I consider myself a "real" writer, an author even, and I can tell you that I'm not exploding with ideas.  In fact, I'm lucky to have one idea at any given time.  An idea, to me, means something that is worth the time to flesh out into a novel.

Sure, I might have fleeting thoughts that pass through my mind.  Some of them even grow into ideas over time.  As frustrating for me as that lack is, just because I'm not near bursting, and bemoaning having to choose from all these myriad of ideas, doesn't make me any less of an author than someone who can fill dozens of idea notebooks and churn out ten novels a year.

I tried not to be offended at such an egotistical, offhanded remark, but a part of me is still stewing.  And admittedly a little jealous.  However, I also realize we're all different.  We operate differently; from pantsers to plotters.  From prolific to sparse.  From short stories to massive epics.  You get my point.

We're all writers.  I hope we can remember that just because we do something differently doesn't make our method any more or less right.

The Cover Conundrum

After talking about the cover of Fragile Bones with a friend, he confirmed that the cover I had designed a few months ago just didn't convey the feel of the story.  So when he suggested I put a drawing I had intended for the interior on the cover, I bulked a little.  I felt like my artwork wasn't up to the level I thought it should be for a cover.  I mean, the cover is a huge deal!  It's the first thing someone sees when they look at your novel.  It has to be unique, intriguing and suggest what the pages hold.  I knew that the first cover design didn't really do all those things, but I was at a place where that was my only option.  Only after listening and finally giving in to the idea that maybe... just maybe that sketch would work on the cover, did I go for it.

Since I already had the basic design that I wanted in place, it was only a matter of switching the pictures out and 'drawing' a back cover fill pattern with the same medium I used on the sketch. (that was my husband's idea)  Once it was all together, I knew that my friend was right.  This new cover is The One.

I'm very pleased to present the official cover for Fragile Bones:

Release date is coming soon; be on the look out and don't miss the chance to be one of the first to read this dark, gay fiction title!

Excellence takes effort

Today, it's easy to publish a book.  All you have to do is pound out a few ten thousand words and slap it up on publishing sites like CreateSpace, Lulu or Smashwords and you're a published author.  Piece of cake!

Riiight.

The mechanics may be easy, (if you can call writing a 50 to 100k manuscript easy), but what many aspiring writers don't realize (or don't want to realize) is that writing is only the first step.  And what follows tests even the most dedicated writer's patience.

Cuts, edits and rewrites.

There are no shortcuts.  If you want to put out quality work, these are necessary.  No one's first draft is perfect; no matter what they think.  Ego must go.  Even the cleanest draft can be improved.  We're shooting for excellence here.  When I was in my early twenties, I heard a phrase that has really stuck with me through the years:

"Good isn't good enough if better is available."

My first novel, The Summer of the Frogs, was written during NaNoWriMo 2008.  I didn't publish it until 2010.  I let it rest for almost a year before I even looked at it again, then spent nearly a year polishing it up.  My husband can testify how I moaned and groaned about reading through it yet again.  I damn near could've spoken it verbatim.  By the time it was said and done, I was so sick of it, I wanted to tear it up and throw it in the trash.  And that was just my part.  I also had beta readers.  People who took their time to go through it, caught the errors I continually missed.  (It's funny how the eye slides right over what should be glaring mistakes.)  They questioned turns of phrase, plot points and character elements until my poor manuscript was mostly red ink.

And even after all that, I went over it three more times.  Start to finish.  Analyzing each sentence as if it might carry the plague.

Sure, writing and publishing a novel is easy... if you don't care enough to put in the hard work it takes to make it worth reading.  And if it's not worth reading, why even bother at all.  Excellence takes effort.

Mother, may I?

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  I didn't get a chance to visit my mom, who lives about 1/2 hour away, because I was 2 hours north retrieving most of my daughter's things from college.  She will follow with the rest of her stuff next Sunday.

I did call my mom when we got back home and we talked mostly of writing stuff.  She had went through and formatted The Summer of the Frogs for me to (hopefully) go through the Smashwords meat grinder for ebook distribution.  Since publishing has been her work for more years than I can remember, she is much more familiar with the lingo used in the Smashwords tutorial than I am.  Especially more difficult since I don't have Word.  Yet.  I really want to learn how to do these things for myself at some point.  I'm a big girl now, I can't keep leaning on Mom.

After I hung up with her, though, I was thinking about the week ahead and about what sorts of things I wanted to talk about for this blog and things got mushed up in my brain.

I got to thinking about the role of Mom in fiction.

In The Summer of the Frogs, the main character's mom plays an integral role in her life.  Since she lives at home with her mother, it's obvious Mom would be there.  Mom in TSotF does the best she can with her daughter who she perceives as being extremely mentally ill.  (whether she actually is or not is up to the reader.)  Oftentimes, she pulls back away from her daughter, because she is so overwhelmed.  The main character, wrapped up in her world, can't really understand where her mom is coming from and believes that she would be happier without her.  Toward the end and into the upcoming sequel (The Winter of the Birds) they have a little better relationship, even if they still can't really understand where the other is coming from.

In my other WIP, Fragile Bones, the main character doesn't have a family.  Both his parents died when he was very young, so he is lacking the support, love and nurturing of a mom.  And with his particular set of challenges, the loss of Mom is especially tragic.  Mom's influence on him is in her glaring absence.

Even though the Mom doesn't show herself personally in all my writing, she must always be there.  For all characters -- main, secondary and tertiary -- had mothers, even if just for their birth.  How must this influence their personality and character?  Whether a key player or not, Moms hold such a powerful influence over the lives of the characters we create.

What role does Mom play in your story?


Note:  my mom is a wonderful, beautiful person.  I am very fortunate to have such a mother.  She's supportive in everything I've every set my mind to, even if it's peculiar.  Any Mom I could ever write in a story would always pale in comparison to my mom, so I don't even try.  The Mom in my fiction is always a complete fabrication.

The Five Senses

I had the good fortune to work with a fabulous editor during the prep period for my short homoerotic story, Half of Me (written under my pen name).  I'd never had that experience before and I gained so much insight from her years in the field.  You just can't buy that kind of learning; so I made sure she knew how deeply appreciative I was for her time investment in me.

One of the things she talked about was enriching a scene with the five senses.  We all know them:  sight, sound, taste, touch, smell.  I had only really thought about sight... what is my MC seeing?  Not really giving the other senses much page time.

Sound and smell are particularly easy to liven up drab blocks of text.  Are there birds chirping?  A garbage truck rumbling by?  The irritating creak of a shoddy ceiling fan?  Is the neighbor baking apple pies?  What about the nasty stench of the garbage truck that just went by?  The signature scent of an embraced lover?

Taste and touch aren't used as much unless the MC is constantly stuffing his/her face and/or has a tactile fetish, but they can definitely add that extra layer to the story.

How do you use the five senses to make your story come alive?

Novel Soundtrack

This morning, I tweeted that I had finished watching an anime on Netflix and how it moved me often to tears.  I felt for the characters very much.  However, I posited that perhaps the music played an integral part in my emotion reactions. 

Music has always had a profound affect on me, even as a child.  Once a month, in the small town where I was born and raised, they had community concerts.  Talented people would come in from all over the country, (sometimes even the world), to play or sing various instruments in a multitude of styles.  Mom bought season tickets every year, so once a month we would go watch and listen.  The heartbreaking sounds of stringed instruments especially brought me to tears.  I would grit my teeth and pinch my skin to stave off the sting in my eyes; it embarrassed me to be moved just by music.  No one I knew of cried from listening.

Even now, I feel it deeply.  Music seems to sink into my skin and yank on my heart and the tears spill.  And I'm still somewhat embarrassed by that.  I don't know of anyone else so affected by music; I've never asked.. it seems too personal a question.

What's this post have to do with writing?

Well.  It has everything to do with writing.  I lovely gal I met on Twitter replied to my tweet that she wished for a soundtrack, like a movie score, for her novel.  Wouldn't that be fantastic?  Like those cards that play music when you open them, only for books.  Each section of your book plays a soft, non-intrusive tune.  As the pages are turned the music shifts.  Or maybe there could be an app created for ebooks so that the music is played seamlessly into the ereader.  I think if someone savvy could invent something like that, it would be very cool.

Right now, though, we have no music to help carry the mood of the story or express the feelings of the characters.  All we have are our words.  The characters must sing; we must feel their pain, their happiness, their fears and their triumphs or else it's all just words on the page.

What would your novel's soundtrack sound like?

What about love?

Ah! Today is the day of L'Amour!  Everyone on the planet knows what it is to love, even if the expression of such varies.  Love is such a powerful emotion it's no wonder it finds its way, in one form or another, into most literature.  My own writing is no exception.

While I like to explore at times those darker places in the human experience, love always seems to sneak in.  Love is often the one thing that topples those last vestiges of the Monster that lives within.  Love breaks the bonds, tears down the walls, overcomes bleak night.  Love bridges the gap, cherishes the unlovable, repairs the broken.

Is it any wonder our fascination with that emotional connection between each other?  Even within the blackest heart dwells the speck that yearns to be loved, wishes to love in return; twisted as it becomes, it's there.  These ideas motivate a lot of my writing.  I enjoy exploring the journey between evil and goodness -- the way paved by a profound love.

Even in my erotic writing, though lust plays a major role, the foundation is love springing from a deep passion between the characters.  The one night stand is hot, but a blossoming, tumultuous relationship springing out of that encounter is hotter.  It lingers like the scent of a lover; it sinks into the skin.

How does love play a part in your writing?  What aspects of love do you like to explore?

What "prompts" you?

Sometimes I sit down at my keyboard and wonder what the heck I'm going to write about.  This seems to happen to a lot of writers as there are a plethora of writing prompt sites across the internet.  Anything from plot and character prompts to three word prompts to photo prompts.  I've used prompt sites in the past when struggling during NaNoWriMo.  Desperate to use any tool to get that flow of words going again.  One year, I used song lyrics to prompt me on my month long journey.  A lot of times, as I mentioned previously, I use strong emotions to prompt a story.  Getting those feelings down on paper and developing a character out of those feelings along the way.  Very rarely, I'll remember a tidbit of a dream and those brief images prompt a story idea.

Writing prompts often serve to breathe new life into a story or get a new story idea off the ground.  What prompts you to write a story?  What tools do you use to get the story going again when you get stuck?  

Premise

Writing a novel is answering the question:  What if?

My WIP novel, Fragile Bones, answers the questions of what if a person was born completely apathetic?  What would happen if, when that person died, they were opened up to feel the fullness of every emotion?  How would he work through the memories of his wretched life with this new awareness?  How will he answer his own questions about his purpose and the apparent meaninglessness of his life?  Will he rise above his personal tragedy or will he fall?

What questions does your novel answer?  It might seem obvious, but it's good to step back and think about the overarching point to your story.  It can be as simple as what if Jane lived on Taylor Street instead of Maple Street, but all good stories answer the first and simple question of "what if?"; otherwise, there's no point.  Even if this wasn't the initial reason for writing the story, it's still what drives the imagination of the writer to write it.

The premise is sometimes different from motivation and that's important to understand.  What may have motivated me to write a particular story is not necessarily the same as the questions the story answers.  These two things will sometimes overlap, but for me, I've found more often than not, they don't.

Usually what gets me going on a story is a particularly deep emotional reaction to something.  Sometimes a first line will just pop in my head or a bit of dialogue or a scene and I'll want to get it down.  This will often spur the question of "what if?" and I'll find the story writing itself from there in order to answer the questions.

Sometimes writing one chapter will spur more questions that feed the following chapters.  If something happens in chapter three, I'll often wonder how that is going to affect the character in chapter four?  Will chapter four's reaction come back to bite him in the ass in chapter 12?  What if something else happens in chapter seven that changes everything!?  Or why in the hell did character two say something like that?  How does that make the MC feel?

I find when I write, it becomes a series of questions and answers as I'm writing.  It's what gives me the sense of mystery and excitement as the story progresses.  That thrill is why I rarely plan out an entire story ahead of time.  I may know a few points I want to hit upon and how it all ends, (most of the time), but the middle parts are an exciting roller coaster ride for me.

Questions can lead to learning.  I find myself often researching medical issues for my writing.  Things like can a castrato get an erection?  Do they have a sex drive?  Or what are the effects of a coma on the brain?  How can it change a person's behavior or personality?  How long does it take for a certain bone to heal?

Questions can also help bust through that seemingly unbreakable wall called writer's block.  I'm way too familiar with this one.  In fact, I have a twenty foot wall to bust through right now!  To overcome that, I'll sit down and ask:  for this next chapter, "what if?".

---

What's ahead:

• What "prompts" you?
• Fragile Bones excerpt
• Music as an emotional backdrop
• Flash fiction

When a work starts feeling long - buckle down

Fragile Bones is a novel I started about five or six years ago.  I wrote several chapters, (nine or ten, if I remember correctly), and let it sit for damned near three years.  I found it again and after rereading those early chapters, I fell in love with the story all over again.  A little bit older and probably none the wiser, I set about finishing it.

When I penned the first chapter, I had no intentions of writing any more on it.  I'd had a really shitty day and it was my way of venting some of those feelings of frustration and hopelessness.  At the time, I posted it to a fiction site and when I did, I got fabulous reviews.  I hadn't expected that.  It was early in my writing "career" and I was still full of all the doubts an unpublished writer has.  The positive reinforcement encouraged me to continue with the story and I found it came pretty easily.

Until I hit chapter seven.  I'd run out of things to say and my MC stopped talking to me completely.  I went on to other things.  Several months later, I picked it back up again and got another couple chapters out, but I felt they were falling a bit flat, even though I was still getting good reviews.  I gave up at that point.  I didn't look at it again until last year.  I'd done a lot more writing and with that came the experience to know it is possible to write without the elusive and grand notion of "inspiration!". 

Turns out, there was quite a lot of story to tell.  Far more than I ever expected even after picking it back up.

I started on chapter 23 this week, which is a feat in itself!  The story is sitting at over 60k words and I feel there are at least 10k more that need to be written.  When I finish, this will be, to date, my longest piece of fiction.  I'm quite proud of that.  It may be a pittance to some, but it's an accomplishment for me.

However.

I feel like I've hit another slump in the story again.  I'm not getting feedback anymore since I stopped posting at the fiction site all those years ago.  The fear is nipping at me again.  I wonder at times if an author ever gets over that.  Is this story going flat?  Is it getting too long?  Should I just wrap it up already and leave on a well turned phrase or piece of witty banter?

I can't with this one.  The characters have yet to get to that point B that all story characters must reach.  Their internal struggles haven't been dealt with properly.  They are still far from their destination.  So in spite of these recent chapters feeling so dull to me, I must keep writing to the end and we can all breath a sigh of relieve.

Then I can work on polishing those dull spots up to a full shine with edits.

What I've learned and am still learning:  even though the first draft seems terrible at times, push through those bits and get on with telling the story.